Pairing: Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunnies/everyone, I suppose ;) Also some Javert/Valjean from Les Mis, but in the form of House and Chase
Summary: This is what happens when House and Les Mis bunnies attack at the same time.
Disclaimer: Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don’t own House.
A/N: This is actually part of my Plotbunny-series in the House & Chase community, but since I used Les Mis in this I figured I'd go ahead and post it here as well. Especially since House is convinced he's Javert. You can read this on its own, but it's most fun if you also read the other parts of the series. The other parts can also be found in my LJ.
“Gregory, I’m going to explain it to you one more time… my name is not Jean Valjean, nor is my number 24601.” Chase was obviously trying to sound patient, but the strain in his voice showed it was wearing thin. The nightstick instead of a cane he could handle… House trying to rip off his shirt all the time was okay… but this was just insane! “And what’s with the sideburns anyway?”
“DON’T INSULT THE SIDEBURNS, 24601!” House half-yelled, half growled at his lover.
It had been but a simple mistake that had caused this behaviour… curiosity had tempted the diagnostician and he’d gone into one of the backrooms of Professor von Plotbunny’s lair. There, he’d encountered more plotbunnies. They’d seemed to be asleep at first, but his opening the door had roused the furry things and within seconds he’d been bitten by one with a hat, especially furry areas at the side of the head and a nightstick in its paws.
The Plotbunny-mastermind had deemed Gregory spending a day under the influence enough of a punishment… though right now it seemed to be more of a punishment for the people around him.
He insisted on calling Cuddy ‘Fantine’, Cameron ‘Cosette’, Foreman – who managed to look very offended while at the same time clueless – ‘Suspiciously Coloured Thenardier’ and Chase, as said before, had become a number.
“Where did Marius go anyway?” House/Javert demanded from Cameron the moment she walked in, uncharacteristically late but typically clueless. From the other side of the room, Chase could see the helpless look she shot him along with the way Gregory was slowly raising his nightstick. Danger! From the bump on his own head, the Australian knew he had to act fast and efficient. Thus, he took out the pompoms.
It had seemed like his colleague’s eyes hadn’t been able to get any bigger then the moment she’d set eyes upon House… or rather his sideburns, they were really freaking everyone out. But not everything is as it seems. Cameron’s jaw went slack and her eyes became so big she could’ve been in a Japanese cartoon. This wasn’t weird, since Chase proved to be quite a talented cheerleader. It probably came with the great hair.
Currently, he was moving into a perfect ‘W’ position, soon followed by quite acrobatic versions of ‘I’, ‘L’, ‘S’, ‘O’ and ‘N’. This would’ve been bad enough in itself if he hadn’t managed to dig up a male cheerleading costume and attributes in a matter of seconds. Allison had trouble not to laugh, causing House to glance behind him. Yet again, the short timespan was enough for Chase, who was back into his doctor’s outfit save for some pieces of pompom in his hair thanks to his enthusiasm. Obviously, this held no interest for Gregory who instantly turned back to Cameron. “Well?!”
“James is doing okay… under the circumstances.” Allison’s pathetic attempt at a glare went completely unnoticed. “He responded really well to cuddling therapy with man-eating animals and will soon move up to swimming with sharks. After that they’re thinking of acid spa’s. But, do you really think it’s all necessary?” It earned her a whack on the head anyway. “Of course, I don’t want the two of you to run off! Valjean would certainly follow! And if he goes, I have to go and I rather like it here.”
This only served for more confusion and headache – though the whack upon the head had something to do with the last one – in Cameron. “Er… I chased you in my totally dysfunctional way for a while… not Chase.”
At this, House frowned in a particularly menacing way. “We both know 24601 is a dangerous, chair-breaking fugitive and he will undoubtedly run the second you leave!” Now, it was Chase’s turn to look offended. “Oi, I didn’t break a single chair in my entire life! Well, unless you count that one in kindergarten, but I was a big kid and the thing was wobbly anyway and…” after this, he continued mumbling, but nobody actually understood what the Hell he was saying, so Cameron interjected again in her special suicidal caring way.
“I am Javert!”
“Fine, Javert then…”
“About those sideburns…”“AAAAARGH!”